Thoughts, Musings, & Ramblings of a Catholic Housewife
Motivation
Oh! I am so lacking in motivation right now. I keep thinking about all these things I need to do and I WANT done. I keep having ideas for blog content. My head is full of plans and ideas and what am I doing? I’m caught up in reruns of Hell’s Kitchen. Yeah. I’m also eating a bowl of frozen peaches. Yum. I desperately need to figure out how to motivate myself and my family. Desperately. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been feeling well lately. My husband and baby are taking a nap right now. I think I’ll just enjoy my peaches and watching Chef Ramsey yell at these poor people.
How do you stay motivated?
Remembrance
I was reminded today why it is so important that we remember who we are and what we have been made for. I find that it’s really easy to love someone you don’t know. I find it’s also really easy to have empathy or sympathy (depending on the situation) for someone you don’t know. I find it extremely easy to give someone I don’t know the benefit of the doubt – sometimes to the extreme. Why are all of these things so difficult with someone that I know?!? It seems that, if I know your background, your story, it would be EASIER to understand, empathize, sympathize, give benefit to, and love. It’s not. It’s so much harder…at least I find it to be. I find it easy to avoid passing judgement on the words or actions of someone I don’t know and even easier to cast blame and judgement upon those I do know. So, what is a girl to do?
The answer is easy and hard all at the same time. I am called to love everyone at all times, like Christ loves. No conditions, no qualifications, no expectations. I love them for who they are, where they are. (Aside…loving someone does not mean tolerating or condoning choices/actions that we know to be wrong/bad/sinful. Loving them means that; in an appropriate time, place, and manner; I should correct them with great charity.) Loving someone like Christ loves us takes great humility. I struggle with that. Christian humility flys in the face of everything we are told to believe in our society. We are told that we must look out for number one but humility says we should have no worries for ourselves. We should not desire to be loved, wanted, praised, or looked upon with high esteem. We should not be afraid of being forgotten, left behind, wrongfully accused, or despised. When we are humble, we know our place. When we are humble, we REMEMBER exactly who we are, who created us, and who is really in charge. When we are humble, we don’t worry about today or tomorrow and we don’t stress over yesterday, because we remember what is important.
God, please create in me a spirit of authentic humility & help me love everyone, strangers and non-strangers, like Christ loves me. Amen.
What Not to Say or Do…
If you are invited, or invite yourself, over to visit with mom & new baby please refrain from the following… (All of these things come from personal experience or from the experiences of my friends/family)
Side note – my husband is not nearly as bothered by any of these things as I am. I think that men, in general, just aren’t as bothered by this stuff. They also don’t have hormones pulsing crazily through them and haven’t gone through 9 months of pregnancy followed by labor and delivery. They may have witnessed and supported us through it, but they didn’t physically experience it and all of it’s hormonal glory. My husband actually takes some pride in #12 & people wanting to lay claim to our baby. He says “Who doesn’t want to be on a winning team” and our baby is WINNING! 🙂
1. Making any jokes referring to how inadequately mommy is caring for baby & that you’ll just have to take baby home with you to care for him properly. Really, who would think that’s funny or a good idea? I mean REALLY?
2. Offering any unsolicited advice. Really, don’t offer any. Do not tell her what her baby needs or how she ought to be doing something. Just because she doesn’t do something the way that you did/do or the way your doctor told you to doesn’t mean that she’s doing something wrong. Really, really, really – keep your mouth shut if you are a man. There were times I wanted to smack my husband for offering breastfeeding advice. He was just trying to love me & help. I didn’t find it helpful at all. If you are having a conversation about life with baby and mom asks about something, then answer her question. I do have friend who offered unsolicited but very welcome advice about cloth diapering. She offered it via email so I didn’t have to sit and listen to this advice if I didn’t want to.
3. Wearing copious amounts of anything that has any scent to it. Perfume, hair products, body powder, etc. When you douse yourself in these products it can really bother both mom and baby. All those hormones raging and (sometimes) enhanced sense of smell means that these scents can be H.E.L.L. for mommy. Babies have sensitive senses, too. They use their sense of smell to help recognize their mama, find their mama’s breasts for nursing, etc – especially when they are very young and their eyesight hasn’t fully developed. When you’re covered in a strong scent, it can interfere with baby’s ability to sniff out mama or mama’s milk. One other thing to think about – while your scent may smell just lovely on you, if you hold baby it will transfer to baby and NO mama wants to have their baby handed back to them smelling like anyone OTHER than their baby. I have one friend who would demand that her husband give their newborn a bath immediately after certain visitors because they always wore very strong smelling perfume & she couldn’t stand the way her baby smelled after they held her.
4. Don’t take things personally. This really isn’t about you. This isn’t about how often you get to see the baby or hold the baby or feed the baby, etc. This isn’t about you. Get over yourself. Also, remember that new parents have to deal with a lot of well meaning but sometimes very annoying people. You may not do anything to annoy them but just happen to catch them after a particularly long or annoying engagement. They may be tired and feeling raw. Take some comfort or pride in the fact that the new parents might feel so comfortable with you that they don’t have to hide how tired/raw/annoyed they are. Don’t hold it against them or baby.
5. If you want to see the family, don’t always expect them to come to you. Sometimes the idea of getting a newborn & all their paraphernalia ready for an outing is daunting enough to keep parents hiding out at home. Call ahead (because surprise visits can be very stressful – especially if mommy hasn’t bothered to get out her pjs and baby is screaming when you arrive) & schedule a time to either visit the family in their home (offer to bring coffee or a meal, or to take care of baby so mom can get a shower, or help fold laundry, etc – mom may decline all of your offers but she’ll be grateful for the thought) or someplace very close to their home (which means they won’t have to pack as much stuff for baby because they won’t be out all day).
6. Don’t show up at the family’s door uninvited or unexpected. This was mentioned above but it bears repeating and deserves it’s own number on the list. Really, don’t do this to the family. Just because they let you in – that doesn’t mean they want you there. They’re probably just being nice because they couldn’t think of a polite way to avoid you. The ONLY exception to this is if you are a very close friend or family member who lives very far away, therefore making opportunities to see each other very few and far between. I can think of one family that I would be okay with them showing up with very short notice (I’d say unexpectedly but they are too considerate to do that). We love them dearly, they love us, and we only get the chance to see each other once every couple of years. I also trust that we won’t have to deal with any passive-aggressive comments about the status of our home or judgement over how messy it is. We have a few close friends who I don’t worry about the state of our home with either, but they live much closer & we have more opportunities to see them. 😉
7. Don’t try to guilt new parents into doing something they don’t want to do. If parents ask you to refrain from doing something, don’t call them out in front of other people or try to make them feel guilty about it. They are the parents and what they say goes. You need to respect that.
8. Don’t go baby crazy. This means a few different things… First, it’s really difficult to remain polite and friendly with people who had no interest in getting to know you or spending time with you prior to you having a baby. Suddenly, here’s baby and people come out the woodwork because they want to cuddle baby. What’s worse is that these people seem to feel they have an absolute right to demand to see baby whenever and wherever they please. You have no rights to this baby or family at all. If you didn’t feel a need to demand that the parents come out and visit with you every time you were in town prior to them having a baby then you need to think twice about demanding that they bring their baby out to see you. Second, it really sucks to bring baby out to see people, only to have them grab at baby and completely ignore your existence, until the baby starts crying. Then they hand the baby back to you for you to “fix” whatever is wrong, while simultaneously offering unsolicited advice about what baby needs. It’s also very uncomfortable to try to breastfeed baby (especially for first time moms) while people are just staring at you. Don’t do that. Finally, babies have the ability to heal schisms in families. That is such a blessing but please remember that this may take some time. Try to cultivate a relationship with the parents beyond the baby. Be patient with them as feelings & schisms heal. Recognize that there may be issues that pop up and need to be resolved.
9. If you invite new parents someplace, you should expect that they’ll have baby with them. If you don’t want them to bring baby or know that you’re inviting them someplace that isn’t baby friendly, don’t get upset if they decline your invitation.
10. Don’t make comments about either mom or dad’s work situation or ask questions about the family’s financial status. It isn’t your business at all. They’ll work out what is best for their family. Keep your nose out.
11. DO NOT SHARE HORROR STORIES. Pregnant moms don’t need to hear about how painful/awful/scary, etc you or your friend’s or your friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s sister’s birth was. New moms don’t need to hear about babies who died in random/obscure/freak accidents. They don’t need to hear about any of that. They need love and support and those stories aren’t loving or supportive. They are scary and they cause parents to question their judgement & abilities. God forbid something actually happens to their baby – what has sharing these stories accomplished? Nothing.
12. Don’t call the baby “my baby”. Did you carry the baby for 9 (ish) months? Did you help create the baby? Did you go through labor? Are you the baby’s mom or dad? No? Then this isn’t “your baby” and you should not refer to baby as “my baby”. I don’t know if there is any better way to piss off a new mom, especially. That baby is her baby, not yours. Recognize that. Are you a grandparent? Then that is your grand baby. Feel free to claim that. 🙂 I remember hearing stories about how my grandpa used to refer to me as “my girl”. He’d say things like “There’s my girl”. If you are a family member, godparent, or very close friend (i.e. honorary aunt/uncle status) then referring to the baby as “my girl” or “my boy” would generally be acceptable, too. However, if mom or dad asks you to refrain from calling the baby anything other than their name/nickname (i.e. no “my baby”, “my girl”, “my boy”, “my little man”, “sugar plum”, “sweetheart”, “pretty lady”, “handsome man”, etc) then don’t argue, pout, or take it personally. Refer back to #7 and respect the parents’ wishes.
Do you have anything to add to the list? Share below! 🙂
Becoming One
My hubby & I have been teaching 2nd grade CCD, which any Catholics out there know means. FIRST COMMUNION. My hubby would agree, it’s been mostly me with him stepping in when I was absolutely exhausted or sick, etc. We celebrated their first communion at the vigil Mass tonight. Two girls and four boys dressed in their best to receive Jesus’s body and blood for the first time. Six little souls finally getting to experience becoming one with Jesus. It was beautiful. What was more beautiful was that this is not their last communion. They will go to Mass again…maybe tomorrow, maybe sometime during the week, but for sure next weekend – either Saturday evening or sometime on Sunday they will go to Mass and they will become one with Jesus. They will have the opportunity to become one with Jesus in the Holy Eucharist AT LEAST once a week for the rest of their lives (more if they choose to attend any weekday Masses). That is incredibly amazing and beautiful. As I was sitting in Mass tonight, and Father was reminding them that this is just the beginning and the one thing better than their first communion is their second, and the one thing better than their second is their third, etc…I started thinking about sex.
Bear with me and don’t start thinking dirty. Aside from receiving the Eucharist; the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Christ; where else do we see two becoming one? In the marital act. A husband and wife having sex (with each other) physically expresses the union of their souls. They become one and, God-willing, participate in the creation of a brand new, unique, soul. Sex is also similar to communion in that the second time is better than the first, and so on. I did have sex on the brain (vaguely) before going to Mass. I am contemplating and praying about applying for a job as a monthly columnist for a blog I follow. They are looking for a columnist for (among other things) a sex & intimacy column. It just jumped off the page at me. I can talk about sex. I can tell you what’s worked in my marriage and what hasn’t. I have a pretty good imagination, too. 😉 I could be a sex columnist…as long as I’m not just writing about sex because sex is so much more than just sex. Thinking about this column and what I would write up to send in as my audition piece has me thinking about so much more. Why don’t we talk about sex more? I’m being serious. Why don’t we talk about good sex, by which I mean sex within a marriage that is GOOD. We talk about the Theology of the Body. We tell our youth that sex is beautiful and fun and God wants us to have good sex, when we are married (all good things to teach) but then, once we get married, we stop talking about sex. We shouldn’t just be telling our youth and single folks how awesome sex can be (should be) once you are married, we should also be helping married couples have amazing and beautiful sex!! We do the same thing with first communion…we put so much emphasis on the first part and forget about the communion. We need on-going catechsis to help enrich, strengthen, and glorify the spiritual unity with Jesus that happens during communion (so the 1,387th communion truly is better than the first) and we need to quit being shy about helping married couples enjoy a physical unity that allows their 1,387th physical communion to be better than not only their first but also their 1,386th.
That is what I would hope my sex & intimacy column would help accomplish. We need to take sex back from our overly sexed, unmarried, super secular, using, worldly culture. Just because they have all the needed parts required to have sex doesn’t mean they are having sex. I believe married couples should be having such mind-boggling sex that they scoff at all those “sex ends when you get married jokes”. Mind-boggling sex? You think it’s impossible? Ha. You don’t know what’s happening then. You don’t have a proper understanding of sex. To boggle one’s mind means that there is something much greater than physical intimacy…there is emotional, spiritual, and psychological intimacy as well. I venture to say that if we were able to help married couples grow closer in every other way within their marriage then they would have to try very hard to not have mind-boggling sex.
A Little Wrong
I think it is probably just a little wrong that I hope my baby will start screaming when people are around or holding her so that I can either avoid handing her over to be held or demand they return her to me because I am Mama and nobody cuddles like Mama cuddles.
I think it is a little more wrong that if I’m already holding my baby, I’m very tempted to pinch her feet to get her to start fussing. Not that I ever do. I”m not a monster…just a mother.
Pregnancy Guilt
Oh today. Oh today was a day. A day full of frustration, tears, and emotional craziness. I’m blaming it on the baby. (Cause the nurse at my midwife’s office said I could.)
I didn’t sleep well last night and it really p*ssed me off that my husband slept so soundly that elbowing him didn’t even stop the snoring (like it usually does). I’ve been having contractions all weekend, getting excited because I thought we were on the road to LABOR (woo hoo!), but all the contractions basically stopped last night. My diabetes has been acting up and that is just plain infuriating. When it was an appropriate time to get up today, I ran bath water, only to discover that we had mud and dirt in our water line (apparently there have been a lot of water main breaks in our city lately), so that meant using baby wipes to try to clean myself up as best I could. We weren’t put under a boil water advisory but I have my doubts about trusting our plumbing…at least just yet. So, here I am, dirty hair, feeling gross, exhausted, annoyed with this whole labor/not labor/labor thing that my body is going through, my pregnancy enhanced sense of smell is giving me all kinds of chances to accept a little extra suffering (nothing like a sweet, chemically, cancer smell in the afternoon…gag me!), I’m finding Facebook to be extra annoying, and my husband and I are running late for my midwife appointment. On the way to the appointment, my husband is kind enough to make a joke that brings me to tears (poor hubby) and comments that he thinks our van is about to fall apart (oh joy). To top everything off, I just felt guilty. So, so guilty. Why? Because I was totally succumbing to the emotions & hormones. I was totally falling into the BLAHS that (I understand) are fairly typical at this point in a pregnancy. I was blaming being a crazed maniac on our baby…our poor, innocent, stubborn baby.
Harold and I lost a baby 2 years ago. He measured just over 9 weeks “gestational age”. After our miscarriage, my doctor said that there was no reason to try to figure out WHY we miscarried. It “just happens” sometimes. I went through some ups and downs in the months following our loss. It seemed like I was having more ups when I found out a good friend was pregnant. Everything just seemed so easy for her! She got pregnant without even “trying”. I remember thinking, as she progressed in her pregnancy, that it seemed like all she ever did was complain. “My back hurts. My feet are swollen. I have gas. Pregnancy is so hard. Blah, blah, blah.” I just kept thinking that she just didn’t understand how blessed she was…how amazing it was that not only was she given the blessing of conception (which is hard enough for enough of us) but she was having a good & healthy pregnancy that seemed easy (at least from an outside perspective). She not only got to be pregnant but she got to keep her baby, too. I had nice things to say about miscarriages, a positive spin, things I held on to that gave me great comfort (and are all very true) but that doesn’t change how badly I would’ve loved to have been able to carry my first pregnancy to term and raise that child, too. I mean, it’s amazing that our child was given a “go straight to Heaven” card and we are the parents of a saint, but my mother’s heart still aches for the little soul I would never get a chance to know, at least on this earth. I always thought, if God ever blesses us again, I will not complain at all, no matter how bad it is!! (Harold likes to remind me that I said that.) So, now I feel guilty. We lost a baby and then struggled for a year and half to get pregnant again. We got pregnant and I’ve had such an easy pregnancy. (I don’t think I’ve complained that much, either.) I felt so guilty today, wallowing in my exhausted self-pity, because I know I am suffering for such a beautiful BLESSING. I KNOW that everything is okay and God will take care us. This baby is so worth a crappy day. (Ok, I know we’ll have more crappy days to come…but you don’t need to burst my bubble just yet.) There are so many couples who suffered through more miscarriages than we have, longer periods of infertility than we have, and would happily suffer through a day of crazy hormones if it meant such a blessing was theirs. I am sorry for complaining about being blessed. I am sorry if my complaints have caused anyone else pain. I am sorry for being a really crappy friend and not understanding my friend. I think it’s hard for us when we realize that just because we are blessed, that doesn’t mean that the blessing comes easy, free, or without some kind of suffering. Pregnancy is a blessing. That new, eternal soul that you’ve been allowed to participate in the creation of is a blessing! Whether that soul ever lives a day on earth or only lives in Heaven, they are ALIVE. Blessings are wonderful and beautiful things and we think that they should all be easy BUT we suffer from sinful choices. We are broken and fallen and when our first parents ate of that lovely fruit, everything that was supposed to be easy became difficult. So, blessings (of many kinds) are wonderful but we shouldn’t be surprised that they may also come with their share of suffering. Even if you have the easiest pregnancy & labor/delivery in the world – you still have to raise the kid & you’ve been blessed with the GREAT responsibility of helping that kid get into Heaven. You are given the task of molding a little disciple. Wow. What a blessing. ♥♥♥
So, as I sit here, airing my dirty attitude, I am trying to embrace the back pain I’m currently feeling, and I’m thankful because that small suffering I’m experiencing right now is a sign of the great and tremendous blessing my family and I have been given.
How to pick a Baby Name 101 (A 12 Step Program)
I know you can find “How to Name Your Baby” lists all over the place…cause I’ve read many of them. I just decided I’d add my two cents, especially because as prepared as I thought I was, I was still surprised by some things we’ve encountered as we’ve discussed baby names. Below is similar to the process we went through.
Step 1: Have you and your spouse make a huge list of every name you like. Consider family names (either to include or automatically veto), biblical names, Saints’ names, etc. (If your spouse is like mine, then he won’t bother with a list. He’ll just add a couple names to yours and then proceed to veto nearly everything, including some of his own suggestions.)
Step 2: Play the veto game on each other’s list. (He vetoes names off your list and you veto names off of his.)
Step 3: Start trying to combine names into first and middle combos from both lists (cause that’s just nice).
Step 4: Say the names out loud, like they may be said in various situations (like your kid is in trouble, you are cheering for them, they are graduating, passing the bar, arresting a suspect, being arrested, etc).
Step 5: Think of any possible nick names, especially mean ones and decide if you like the name enough for your kid to learn to live with whatever you come up with. (Kids are genius when it comes to making up nick names, especially mean ones, so don’t stress too much over this part).
Step 6: See if your child’s web “real estate” is available for the various names you’ve picked. Try first/middle combos as well as first/last, nicknames, etc.
Step 7: Veto more names.
Step 8: Pray. A name is a powerful and important thing. It’s good to ask God what He thinks about your choices, especially if you are leaning towards naming your kid L-a (pronounced Le DASH Ah), Shi’thead, Turtle, or some other extra creative (*cough* or crazy) name.
Step 9: Prepare yourself for lots of opinions. If you choose to share the name you’ve chosen or names you are considering with people, prepare yourself for unsolicited “advice”. Like “What about this name (that neither of you like and vetoed before ever hitting Step 1)?”
Step 9.5: I call this 9.5 because it is also about preparing yourself…for people to express abject disappointment and to almost seem rejected by your name choices. Really, it happens. You don’t want to name your kid after great-great-great-Grandpa Dickie and someone gets their panties all in a bunch.
Step 10: Unless you KNOW the gender of your baby and are absolutely certain about baby’s name – AVOID getting anything monogrammed until after baby is born and you settle on an official name. I can’t be the only person who’s name was changed at birth. My mom didn’t KNOW if I was a boy or a girl (cause they didn’t have all that fancy technology in the dark ages) but had a gut feeling that I was a girl. She called me “Amanda” throughout the entire pregnancy. Then she met me. My name is NOT Amanda. Amanda doesn’t appear in any form, in any way, in any part of my name. She met me and KNEW that I would never be an Amanda. I had to be a Rebecca. (Good thing for me because my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s name is Amanda. My MIL disliked her INTENSELY and I don’t think things would have gone as well if my name brought back memories of her.)
Step 11: Name your baby and tell the rest of the world to take their opinions and shove it. Ultimately, this baby is being entrusted by God, to you, and that includes your God-given authority to curse your baby with whatever moniker you want.
Step 12: Buy your baby’s web real estate (their website). Even if you aren’t going to “do” anything with it. This ensures that some crazy cat lady or escort or moonshiner or mercenary or amateur “film” maker or evil master-mind, etc., who just happens to share your kid’s name, won’t be able to buy it and use it for their own nefarious purposes.
I wish you all good luck with naming those babies!!
Update…4/1/2013
Occasionally, your kid still ends up nameless, even after following all 12 steps. Then you pull out Step 13 and just ask your kid. Our daughter was nameless for the first 3 days of her life on the outside. We had trouble deciding between the two names we’d narrowed it down to, so we asked her. “Are you a …?” She frowned. Ok. “Are you a …?” She almost started crying. Ok. Back to the drawing board (kinda)! She seemed to veto both names and we didn’t feel like either name seemed quite right…something was just a little off. So, we prayed some more and checked out the list of Saints names and checked out name meanings. One name kept coming back up. It was pretty and feminine and classic sounding. It was different but not so different. It was shared by a an awesome Saint and had a wonderfully deep meaning for our family. We asked our daughter “Are you a Colette?” and we saw her smile for the first time. We figured a newborn’s smile was all the confirmation we needed and our daughter was named. Funny thing…the two names we’d been trying to decide between were Violet and Coleen. How close were we?!?
Feast of the Holy Family (A Love Story)
I started working on a post about The Holy Family on their Feast Day (12/30/12). I worked on it some and then saved it as a draft and kind of forgot about it. As I started looking through my drafts today it caught my eye. How appropriate that I re-read and revise this post today, 1/9/13, as this is also our first CCD class of the new year and we will be talking about The Holy Family, among other topics today. Not only will be talking about The Holy Family, but we’ll be doing a little dissecting as well. We’ll discuss St. Joseph, Mary, and Jesus and their individual roles within the Holy Family as well as what it means to be a family and what The Holy Family is like, as a unit. I’m excited to be back in class with my second graders and pray that God will give me the words and open their minds and hearts as we study and work on their preparation to receive Jesus, later this spring, in our Most Blessed Sacrament, The Eucharist. When I started writing this blog post 2 weeks ago, I had a love story on my mind. Well, more than one as The Holy Family is a picture of such amazing and pure love itself, but specifically I had the love story that God has written for my family on my mind and heart. He is so amazing & the gifts He wants to give us are divine. Simply, amazingly divine. So, below, you’ll find the post that I began working on last year. 🙂 To be totally honest, it’s really more about my family than The Holy Family but The Holy Family did provide inspiration!
Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. I am sitting here, next to my husband, thinking about what all this means. I can’t help but hope that our baby will be born today. (Update…as of 1/9/13, I am still very pregnant. 😉 I must remind myself that everything is in God’s time & His time is perfect.) I realize there is a very slim chance that that will happen, seeing as it’s already past 3 in the afternoon and I haven’t had any kind of regular labor pains, contractions, etc & no water breakage, either. Why do I think today, of all days would be so cool for Baby Nixon to join us? Because it just fits us and our story so well. (This is actually all of the original blog post from 12/30/12 that made the final cut. LOL. Oh, who doesn’t love some editing and revision.)
Everyone has a love story. Really, we all have a few of them. The love story of us and our families. The love story of us and God. The love story of us and our spouse (no matter if our spouse is God, The Church, or a person). Every love story is supremely unique and so very special but, of course, everyone thinks that their personal love story is just a little extra unique & special. I tend to fall into that camp and happen to be of the (biased) opinion that the love story I share with Harold and our family is something a little extra special.
I could go all fairy tale on you (to be honest, I do LOVE a good fairy tale) but I won’t. 🙂 Everything about our relationship was a (to quote a Julia Roberts’ movie) “wrong fit right from the start”. Harold did not like me, at all. He didn’t find me to be attractive and thought I was a little too…well, too much, I guess is as good a way to describe it as anything. He liked girls with dark hair and dark eyes. He’s always found girls with an ethnic background, specifically Latina girls, to be particularly beautiful. What am I? Light hair, light eyes, and fair skinned. Northern European (whole lotta German & English in my background) through and through. Thankfully, he’s always been a bit of a chubby chaser, so one plus for me. So, almost no physical attraction on his side. What about me? Well, I didn’t find Harold to be all that attractive, either. He had a very young face and NO chin at all. Nothing, nada…he went from face to neck (not totally true…he just had a very “soft” chin). I also thought he was a little strange, a little quiet, a little too sensitive, and a little too meek. Also, he liked to talk philosophy. PHILOSOPHY?!? Ugh. Our personalities didn’t mesh (he told me I was simply too brash & I thought he was a mama’s boy), we weren’t physically attracted to each other, and every time we talked or hung out he always swore to himself that that would be the absolute last time. He really wanted nothing to do with me. And what now? We’re married. We’re madly in love (mad is a sometimes a big part of that) and we have one child in heaven and one in oven, due any day now. I can say there is no way we would’ve moved beyond personalities not meshing and the total lack of any physical attraction if it weren’t for God. He had to be at play in our love story. There had to be some divine intervention. (Just FYI…I find my husband to be ridiculously attractive and sexy now. He tells me how beautiful I am and that he can’t believe he didn’t see it the first time he saw me.)
I struggle with my prayer life. I always have. It ebbs and flows, like I’m sure many of yours does. I’ve always known how important it is to pray for your spouse, even when you are single and have no clue who your spouse may be. To know something and to do it are two different things entirely. I did not pray for my future husband. I’m sorry for that. Harold did. When I say Harold did, I mean that Harold prayed for MY future husband! He also prayed for me. He would kneel at the back of our church, under a picture of The Holy Family, light candles, and pray for me and my future husband. He was positive that I was a good girl, who needed a good man, and that man was NOT him. He figured that man would need the prayers. He figured I did, too. He was right about almost all of that. 😉 We’d been dating for nearly 6 months when Harold confessed this prayer habit to me. He still wasn’t sure about anything. I fell hard the instant he told me he’d been praying for me all that time. That’s our love story, well at least the beginning of it. My husband faithfully prayed for me (and him, he just didn’t know he was praying for himself), even when he didn’t like me. That is love. I am thankful. There are plenty of cute stories I could share with you. Plenty of ups and downs, plenty of inside jokes. Harold loves to make me laugh & he’s pretty funny. Those are stories for another post (maybe).
Harold and I had been dating for about 2 and 1/2 years when he decided to propose. He always said he would never ask twice BUT he actually did. 🙂 Most of the time I share the story about the first proposal but this time, I’m sharing the second. Harold took me to our church, to the back corner and we sat down. There were some older ladies in the church praying the Rosary and Harold didn’t want to draw attention or make a scene, so he told me I wasn’t allowed to cry. He asked me if I knew where we were and why were were there. I did not (I mean, I knew we were in church but you know what I mean). He pointed to the back wall, where the picture of The Holy Family was hanging and told me that we were sitting in the very spot where he used to kneel to pray for me. He knelt under The Holy Family and prayed for their intercession for me and my future family. Since it seemed to be God’s will that Harold was part of that future family, he thought it appropriate that this was the place he proposed. He dropped to one knee and pulled out my engagement ring. A pearl, surrounded by three interlocking circles of diamonds. The ring is full of a lot of symbolism, too. I did cry (very quietly…nobody noticed) and I said yes.
Sometime in the next three weeks or so, our baby will be baptized in the same corner of our church, under the same picture that Harold used to kneel under to pray for us and then that he knelt under to propose. I can not think of a more perfect place for our baby to welcomed into our Church family than that spot, under The Holy Family, where Harold and I agreed to start down the road to building our family. Icing on the cake…our baby’s baptismal garment is being made out of material from my wedding gown. Our baby will be baptized in a gown made from the gown I was wearing when our family was created before God, our extended family, and friends.
Update…
2/3/13
Our baby was baptized on February 3, 2013. This is a picture of our family standing in front of that picture of The Holy Family.
Humility, Humiliation, & The Simpsons
Okay, so this has nothing to do with The Simpsons, other than I’m watching a rerun as I write this post. I got you to read the first line or so, though, didn’t I? 😉 I’ve been thinking about humility a lot lately. I mean A LOT. The Litany of Humility is one of my favorite prayers. It is also one of the most difficult to pray with total sincerity. To pray for God to release you from the desire of being loved, from the fear of being forgotten, from the desire of being praised, from the fear of being falsely accused or calumniation (calumniate – To make maliciously or knowingly false statements about. – www.thefreedictionary.com). When you really stop to think about what you are asking for…what you are praying for – it’s scary. Most people have heard that you should be careful when you pray for patience because God will give you ways to practice patience Well, when you pray for humility – God will give you ways to practice it.
I was speaking with some friends earlier today about St. Ignatius of Antioch, among other things (including The Simpsons). He (St. Ignatius) was on his way to Rome, before Rome was Christian, and was fairly certain he would be martyred while there. He wrote letters to his friends and fellow Christians begging them to stand back and let him be martyred. Today, the Church would frown upon us seeking out martyrdom, like St. Ignatius did. As we were talking about this, one of my friends joked. “You mean I shouldn’t ask God to make me a martyr? How about to let it be quick and painless?” Praying for a painless, free, and quick trip to Heaven. If only it was so easy. In some ways it is. Remember, Jesus tells the rich man that all he needs to do is give away everything he owns and follow Him (Jesus). That’s not so hard, right? Right. Or not.
Just like we know the road to Heaven is not an easy one, practicing humility is a lot more difficult than you or I might think. Often, practicing humility requires humiliation. It requires a death of our pride. Our sweet, sweet pride. Sometimes I think nothing hurts more than dying pride. I pray to be free from the fear of being forgotten, so I am forgotten by those who (I think) I would never forget – and it hurts. I feel angry and confused. “Why am I so easy to forget, why am I not wanted, why don’t they like me?” These questions plague my heart and mind. “Oh, why God?” Then I remember, oh yeah, I prayed for this. Ugh. Thanks for that answered prayer, Lord. (I’m not nearly as sincere in my thanks as I should be.) I can’t develop humility on my own, by myself, because then I’m making it all about me and what I can do. That’s not very humble, is it? If I become too aware of my own humility then I run the risk of becoming proud about just how humble I am – not so humble. It’s a vicious cycle that Satan loves to use against us. All of this has been on my mind because I was recently given the gift of practicing humility. My first reaction was absolute anger. I was livid. Then, I stopped and thought about what I was feeling. I imagined carrying out many different scenarios that would assuage my wounded pride and put the other person in their place. How would that feel? Would I have satisfaction, peace, joy, or relief? No. I might feel a little superior but most likely it would only leave me one step closer to an ulcer and my heart would still be sad. I had to stop and calm my behind down. I had to stop and think about how many other people this would effect. I had to lay my pride down and walk away. It wasn’t easy – it still isn’t. I’ve been struggling with this since it happened. Part of me really wants to run back and defend myself. Part of me really wants to let my fury rain down upon them. Part of me wants to pick up my wounded pride and give it some life support. I am broken, fallen, and disordered. I want to take care of this in a broken, fallen, and disordered way. Who does that help? Satan. It helps him. He is the only one to benefit from me falling to my pride and disordered desires. It brings at least one soul (mine…possibly more) that much closer to him and that much further from God. I don’t like Satan and I have no plans of intentionally helping him out. I’m sure I already unintentionally help him out plenty.
I am prideful, fallen, and disordered. I am a sinner. A big, goober, stinky sinner. I have plenty of logs to take care of before I point out any of my brothers’ (or sisters’) splinters. Heavy logs. I desperately long to be free of them. The thought occurs to me that to be poor in something lends itself to being free. When I have no money, it’s so much easier for me to give everything I do have to someone else. When I have nothing, it is easy to share. The more I have – the more we put away in our savings account or the more material possessions we amass, the more I fear loosing it. The more difficult it is to share. I have to constantly remind myself that anything I have has been given to me by God and it is not mine to horde. I should share it and I shouldn’t be afraid. God will always take care of us, somehow. If I could be poor in pride – how free would I be?!? I would be free from feeling inadequate, defensive, vengeful, and angry. I would be free to be thankful for every little thing I was given. I would be free to love. I would be free to follow Christ and accept whatever crosses He gave me. So, I am going to pray for humility. I am going to pray for it as sincerely as I possibly can and pray that God will help remove any resentment and resistance from my heart. I am going to lay my pride and everything else down at the foot of the cross and try not to run back for any of it. It is only with God’s help that I will be able to let go of it all and truly leave it. I long for true freedom and truth in Christ and I can’t do any of this without Him.
Sparrows
“Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come?…When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is He. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me!” (Lyrics from Gospel Hymn His Eye is on the Sparrow)
I am a silly, cotton-brained, ninny muggins! (To be completely plain about it.) In the last 10 weeks, I have found myself stressing out over various things involved with this pregnancy. I’m not stressed about labor & delivery or what it will be like bringing baby home. I’m not stressed over being “prepared” in the least. All of my stress has involved dealing with doctors, pharmacies, and (especially) my insurance agency. All of this stress has come to naught. Absolute naught, as everything has been taken care of and worked out. So, why do I keep falling for it?!? Once again, tonight, I’ve just been reminded that God takes care of His children. He has made a way. I’m not going to go into all the messy details because it’s really not that important. What I do want to do is encourage all of you (and myself) to remember that WE are God’s adopted children and his most loved creation. He will always take care of us…ALWAYS. We have no need to fear or stress over things of this world. God will provide, in some way, in His time. He will take care of us and we will always be okay!! Hold onto that. Be encouraged. Know how greatly you are loved. We are all loved. Our God provides for the smallest bird of the air, He will provide for us, too.
No matter what situation you find yourself in, no matter what trials are foisted upon you, what struggles are laid at your feet, what temptations you must battle, or whatever kind of spiritual warfare you find yourself in – hold fast to the knowledge that God loves you best of all His creations and He will take care of you. For a little added comfort…remember that this world is fleeting and this is all temporary. There is a much bigger picture to keep in mind, one that we can’t really see in totality. We are living towards an eternity.
