Who in the H*LL gains 14 pounds in less than 4 weeks? Who? Me. That’s who. This girl gained 14 freakin’ pounds in just under 4 weeks. At 12 weeks pregnant I weigh as much as I did when I gave birth to Colette. I couldn’t believe it when I found out today. I’m not swollen (or if I am, it’s spread out all over and isn’t noticeable) and my clothes aren’t fitting any differently than they were 8 weeks ago (or 2 weeks ago or even last week). I don’t know – maybe the change is so subtle that I didn’t notice it but ARGH!!! this weight gain is driving me crazy. Before you say it – yes I’m pregnant. Yes, the baby needs nourishment, but let’s be honest here folks. I’m not a tiny girl. I have plenty of nourishment to offer my baby WITHOUT needing to increase my calorie intake. I can safely LOSE weight throughout my ENTIRE pregnancy and the baby would be totally fine. Honestly, I probably should lose weight. I want to have a VBAC and the healthier I am, the better the chance of it being successful. Seems like the holidays are the perfect time to throw caution to the wind and use pregnancy as an excuse to enjoy whatever I want. After all, the Church even exempts me from any rules of fasting because I’m pregnant. I’ve said it before – we all suffer for the sake of our children. We suffer through difficult pregnancies (well, others do – all of my pregnancies have been quite easy, especially compared to some of my friends), labor & delivery, sleepless nights, discomfort, days without showering, cracked nipples, having to re-navigate how to make our marriages work now that kids have joined us on the outside, etc. I should be ready to joyfully accept the tiny bit of suffering that would come with not helping myself to seconds or indulging in dessert. Should…but I’ll be honest. I’m not exactly looking forward to it. It’s gonna be tough. I’d appreciate some prayers.
Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. A day to remember all babies whose parents and families have had to say goodbye, sometimes before they’ve been able to say hello. Lets be honest, if this is a cross you are carrying, then you remember you baby (or babies) everyday. You don’t need a day to highlight their memories. What is great about today, though, is that it sheds light (for the rest of the world) on what can be something very difficult to talk about. Something that is almost treated as taboo, perhaps because people just aren’t sure how to help. They can’t make it better and death is messy stuff (just like life). It’s uncomfortable to wade through that mess with somebody else, especially if you never had to deal with it yourself. Today I think of the Beatitudes, especially “Blessed are those who weep and mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Dear families who are on this journey, who’ve been given this cross, please know that you are not alone. You may be in the absolute deepest depths of weeping and mourning. You may be surrounded by this mess but you are not alone. There are millions of us on this journey with you. Please, know that we are here for you, for each other, and let us comfort each other on this journey. What’s more, know that our Blessed Mother understands our hearts and our pain. She, too, buried her child. No, she didn’t lose her pregnancy to a miscarriage and no, Jesus didn’t die as a young babe or child. But, she said yes to God’s will and all that it entailed. She gave herself wholly and completely to God, offering up EVERYTHING she was and had to Him. We do that, too, when we say yes to life. When we are willing to allow God to work in our wombs, to participate in creation with Him, we are offering up EVERYTHING we have and are to Him and the new life (lives) He is bringing forth in us. We are given the great blessing of being life-bearers, of being co-creators with God. Rain & rainbows, blessing and suffering – they come hand in hand. We are guaranteed that there will always be some bitter sprinkled (or poured) upon us with the sweet.
There is a famous 80’s rock song…you know the one. “Every rose has it’s thorn. Every night has it’s dawn.” No matter where you are on your journey, no matter how normal or not your “new normal” feels, no matter if you feel like you are in the middle of the darkest night or thickest thorn bush, please know this. Roses will bloom, the sun will rise, and you are allowed to find comfort & joy in your life and whatever new blessings you are given. Weep, mourn, scream, pray, talk…do what you need to do and know that we are here, all around you, ready to embrace you, to weep, mourn, scream, pray, and talk with you. You are not alone. You are never alone. You have all of us, along with all the angels & Saints, and our dear Blessed Mother walking with you, praying for you, and offering whatever comfort we can.
The end of this world, this temporal life, will eventually come for all of us. May we live lives that lead us and our families closer to Christ, into His loving arms. May we be hidden and comforted in His sacred heart. When each of us are called, may we find that we are happy and our family is whole.
Jesus, we trust in you. All the holy innocents, pray for us.
You know, skimming can be a very useful skill.
To skim through an article or text or memo…whatever…to refresh your memory before a test or meeting – wonderful!
Skimming through the paper or a blog to get the gist of today’s headlines and goings on in the world at large – fantastic!
Skimming through a recipe to get a general idea of what you need & how to put it together, and then using that information to create your own deliciousness – amazing!!
SKIMMING MY CREDIT CARD WHEN I’M SIMPLY GASSING UP AND MY BABY IS SLEEPING IN THE BACKSEAT…Man, you are a sucky face jerky goober bottom feeder! Boo! I hope someone pours sugar in that lovely tank full of gas you used my card to
“buy” steal. That is all. Crap. No, it’s not.
I think the response that I am called to have is forgiveness. Theft is always wrong but theft to feed your family is less wrong than theft because you’re some punk who just wants to steal because you can. (I’m thinking of St. Augustine and the pear with that.) If I give you the benefit of the doubt, then perhaps you have been unemployed for a very long time, constantly seeking work and unable to find any…maybe… Perhaps, you needed that full tank of gas to get your sick child to the hospital and your friend needed that OTHER full tank of gas to get to their dying mother’s bedside. Yeah, I’ll go with that. I really will be praying for you and for any of your other victims. Thankfully, we have awesome fraud protection and won’t have to pay one penny towards your fill ups or anything else you managed to charge to our accounts. Please, stop it. Stop stealing from people. Really, really, STOP stealing from people! For all you know, you are stealing bread out of a hungry child’s mouth or the last few dollars a poor widow has to get her through the rest of the month. One day you will be caught and you will pay. By the way, even if you aren’t caught in this life – you will still have to answer at the end of this life. Please, make better choices for yourself – both for your life now and your eternal one.
Now for my P.S.A…
We *think* that my card was compromised via a technique called “skimming”. Skimming happens when a sucky face jerky goober bottom feeder (aka thief) tampers with the payment computer at a gas pump. I don’t know all the technicalities of how it works but I do know that it makes a digital copy of your card and wirelessly transmits said copy to the thief. All they have to do after that is use that info to make a physical copy & poof! Your card has been stolen, while remaining in your wallet!!
A local news channel just reported on this practice a week or two ago. They suggested the following to safeguard your credit card info…
1) Pay inside – cash or credit
2) If you must pay at the pump, choose a pump that is in full view of the store & attendants. The chances of pumps in full view of the attendants being tampered with are much slimmer than those on the “outskirts”.
**Btw – waiters, cab drivers, and others can use skimmers to steal your card info as well. We think the skimming happened at a gas station because that’s what we’ve heard about, BUT, upon further investigation online, we learned that skimmers can be bought online and pretty much anyone you hand your card over to could skim it (if they are a sucky face jerky goober bottom feeder). It doesn’t take long at all – you probably wouldn’t even notice the time difference.**
I hope you all enjoy a theft-free day!! 🙂
Oh! I am so lacking in motivation right now. I keep thinking about all these things I need to do and I WANT done. I keep having ideas for blog content. My head is full of plans and ideas and what am I doing? I’m caught up in reruns of Hell’s Kitchen. Yeah. I’m also eating a bowl of frozen peaches. Yum. I desperately need to figure out how to motivate myself and my family. Desperately. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been feeling well lately. My husband and baby are taking a nap right now. I think I’ll just enjoy my peaches and watching Chef Ramsey yell at these poor people.
How do you stay motivated?
I was reminded today why it is so important that we remember who we are and what we have been made for. I find that it’s really easy to love someone you don’t know. I find it’s also really easy to have empathy or sympathy (depending on the situation) for someone you don’t know. I find it extremely easy to give someone I don’t know the benefit of the doubt – sometimes to the extreme. Why are all of these things so difficult with someone that I know?!? It seems that, if I know your background, your story, it would be EASIER to understand, empathize, sympathize, give benefit to, and love. It’s not. It’s so much harder…at least I find it to be. I find it easy to avoid passing judgement on the words or actions of someone I don’t know and even easier to cast blame and judgement upon those I do know. So, what is a girl to do?
The answer is easy and hard all at the same time. I am called to love everyone at all times, like Christ loves. No conditions, no qualifications, no expectations. I love them for who they are, where they are. (Aside…loving someone does not mean tolerating or condoning choices/actions that we know to be wrong/bad/sinful. Loving them means that; in an appropriate time, place, and manner; I should correct them with great charity.) Loving someone like Christ loves us takes great humility. I struggle with that. Christian humility flys in the face of everything we are told to believe in our society. We are told that we must look out for number one but humility says we should have no worries for ourselves. We should not desire to be loved, wanted, praised, or looked upon with high esteem. We should not be afraid of being forgotten, left behind, wrongfully accused, or despised. When we are humble, we know our place. When we are humble, we REMEMBER exactly who we are, who created us, and who is really in charge. When we are humble, we don’t worry about today or tomorrow and we don’t stress over yesterday, because we remember what is important.
God, please create in me a spirit of authentic humility & help me love everyone, strangers and non-strangers, like Christ loves me. Amen.
It’s been just over a month since we went to the hospital for the induction of our baby. Today marks 4 weeks since she joined us on the outside and she’ll have enjoyed one whole month of life “after womb” on Friday. So much has happened in this past month. I kept meaning to sit down and write a post but I’ve been busy. 🙂 I have had so many thoughts and conversations and feelings that I’ve wanted to share with you in the past month but right now, I just want to share our joy. Please meet our daughter, Miss Colette Marie Zestilia Nixon. ♥
We had decided very early on in this pregnancy that we weren’t going to find out Zesty’s gender. This was for two reasons…1) we weren’t sure how many ultrasounds our insurance would cover and it seemed very imprudent to have an ultrasound just to find out Zesty’s gender and 2) Harold didn’t think I could handle the suspense and I was simply determined to prove him wrong. Well, he was right and we have discovered if we need to be investing in bows or bow ties!! To be fair to me, it was very easy to stick to my guns during the first few ultrasounds. However, considering that I am high risk and therefore having weekly ultrasounds…it gets hard to look at baby week after week, with the ultrasound tech talking about what a good shot she just got and how obvious baby was making it, and not find out! We decided to share the news with our families while celebrating Christmas. Their reactions ranged from surprised, to excited, to just a little disappointed…or even crestfallen. (Thanks for that.) We aren’t sharing with anyone else and we did instruct our families that this wasn’t something to be shared over social media, etc. We’ll see how long the secret keeps. 😉 I am happy that we found out and I was able to order something special for Zesty to have at the hospital. Ribbons & bows or bow ties…who knows? You’ll have to wait for pictures. 😉
I went to the doctor today for an ultrasound and got a fantastic picture of Baby Nixon (Zesty). I thought I’d share it along with a couple pictures of me from my early days on the outside. 🙂 Any resemblance? As baby’s gender won’t be known until his or her big day, guesses abound as to if Zesty is a girl or boy. Most people are guessing boy – in fact, when my stepfather saw this picture he declared “I told you Zesty was a boy!”.
My family started exchanging emails, expressing their feelings over the tragedy in CT. One family member immediately started talking about how this tragedy was a prime example of why we need far stricter gun laws, or even to outlaw private ownership of guns completely. I come from a VERY opinionated family, most of whom heartily disagree with this particular family member, and at times my family is not the best about expressing themselves with charity, grace, and mercy. Below is my reply to my family regarding the gun control debate that was happening and the tragedy of our fallen nature & world. (By they way, as you can probably tell from reading below, I’m not in favor of stricter gun laws.) Thanks for stopping by and reading! Please, if you feel so called, leave a comment or two. As this is my blog, I reserve the right to refuse to publish any comments that are rude, vulgar, or distasteful (regardless of if I agree with you or not). Trolling & nasty don’t look good on anyone.
An object is neither good nor evil. It is just an object. A person chooses to use it for something good or evil. If this man didn’t have a gun and he really wanted to kill these children and adults, he would’ve found another way. We have free will and no law can stop or hinder that. Everyone starts talking/debating about gun control after tragedies like this. We feel helpless. We feel scared. We feel angry. We want to take action. Doing things, like trying to get stricter gun laws on the books, makes people feel better but it doesn’t help. If the U.S. was to make it illegal for private citizens to own guns, what will the battle cry be when something like this happens again? Think about this – what if all teachers & staff were screened, trained, & allowed (their discretion) to keep a gun in their classroom/on their person? Would that have kept this man out? Maybe not, but it might have given him pause if he knew that there was the possibility that someone would be able to do more against him than run and hide. Maybe it would’ve saved some innocent lives.
Ultimately, we need to pray. Evil is real. We all choose evil, even in little ways, at some (or multiple) point(s) in our lives. We choose evil when we sin, and when we sin we harm ourselves and others (even when the sin seems immediately harmless). We live in a fallen world and there is a battle going on for each of our eternal souls. That battle will rage on until that hour that no man knows. We can (and should) take great hope in knowing how the whole things ends. In the battle of good vs. evil, we know who wins. No matter how dark it gets, how many innocents are lost, how hopeless we feel – we know who wins. This is not the end. We must pray unceasingly, choose good, and when we fail to choose good – when we fall, we must repent and choose to rise. We must not forget that these battles for our souls are raging daily all around us- invisible as they usually are. We KNOW who wins. We’ve been allowed to read the last page. We must remember, we must hold onto faith & hope, and we must love each other through it all.